This week’s blog will be very personal to me, as I let you guys in on a sensitive subject. Sure, I could have come up with any self-help/self-care topic and written a juicy read about it. However, for the sake of being truly authentic, I decided to share more of my life with you guys. As you may or may not know, this past week I celebrated my 25th birthday. On that special day something happened… I spoke with my biological father – baby, this is big OKAY!
Many of you who know me or follow me on social media have either seen photos of my large Brady bunch family or have heard me discuss them in conversation. It is rare that I share with people that my stepfather has been the only real father I’ve known since preschool age. My biological father and I have shared an unhealthy rollercoaster relationship for as long as I can remember. At times we were close and at others we have been at extreme odds. While I have been blessed to have an amazing stepfather, who has never let me feel the pain of being without a father – deep down it has always bothered me that the relationship I have with my biological father has been strained. Even when I thought our bond had its ups, they never lasted long and the downs were way too low. We’ve gone periods of time without speaking – our most recent stint lasted the past few years. It has gotten so bad that I no longer knew his phone number, where he currently lives, or what his occupation is.
Speaking to my father on my special day was significant to me because we share the same birthday. With each year that passes, my birthday can be bittersweet because while I enjoy myself, I often think of him. I opened the conversation by expressing that I was happy to hear his voice because it’s been so long. We engaged in polite conversation until he dropped his guard by saying,” I’m not sure what it is that has caused our relationship to constantly hit a wall, but I’m in a place in my life where the relationships with my daughters need to be priority. It is me who needs to be the bigger person and commit to doing the work.” He then apologized to me, this being the first time in my 25 years that he has apologized to me and I believed him.
I debated with myself about if I should keep this private just because I wouldn’t want anyone’s doubt about my father’s authenticity and intent to damage the hope I have for our relationship. However, I’ve concluded that this situation is one that contributes to the woman I am becoming. My journey to self-love is about becoming whole all on my own – acknowledging the holes in my heart caused by hurt is the first step to mending my broken pieces. So here I am, spilling my broken pieces to you guys, in hopes that you find the courage and patience to address your pain deeply enough to drive restoration. Thank you guys for taking this journey with me!