“What’s your type?”


Each day my cousin and I have “share outs” – we talk about our day, our feelings, any updates, and new understandings we’ve come to about ourselves. A few days ago, we talked about having a type. I’ve always been leery about the term type, because in some ways I believe that having a type means that there is only one category of people you’re willing to date. Technically, that means you are limiting your options of finding love. I do not want you to confuse having standards and having a type as being the same thing. Saying you’d like to date a man that is educated is VERY different from saying you want a man with a 6-pack, long hair, and tattoos. Standards refer to your expectations about how a person should conduct themselves when dealing with you.  A type refers to physical features or personality traits that you deem desirable. By focusing on type rather than your standards, it begs the question of whether or not you are looking for a genuine connection with a person that meets your needs or are you just looking to portray that image?

In reflection, I truly believe I used to have a type – only dating tall, skinny, dark-skinned men that came with the bad boy image. I had been in a phase of dating that type of man for a long time because no one ever told me that I was doing it wrong! As I’ve gotten older and marriage has become a concept of interest, I’ve realized so much about being a woman with a type. I look at some of my failed relationships and I can acknowledge where I may have been with men that I knew weren’t exactly what I wanted long term, but because they were my type I settled. My mother has always told me, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” It wasn’t until I began to really love myself that I realized that seeking out men who were my type was causing myself pain. The Basic Laws of Attraction teach us that the energy you put out is the energy you attract. By being so insecure and lacking self-awareness, I sought out this specific type of men and essentially attracted men who were equally as broken.

When I learned to focus on my standards of men rather than specific physical or personality characteristics, I began to meet men who exceeded my expectations and needs. Everyone wants to fall in love, but you must ask yourself whether you want lasting love or do you want temporary love? A man being your type does not inform you about whether or not he can be all that you require in a relationship. The people that we choose to date are reflections of ourselves. Your type tells me something about who you are and what is going on inside of you. You have to be real with yourself and bridge the connection between what you’re searching for and why you’re searching for it. When you are whole and at peace with yourself, a type doesn’t exist because you’ll attract the energy you give – that may come in all shapes, sizes, and forms!


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