As we get closer and closer to the new year – naturally we reflect on the year we’ve had, the growth we’ve made, the challenges we’ve faced, and our goals for the upcoming year. One of the biggest and toughest challenges I have faced was the loss of relationships with those that I never thought would leave my life. While I acknowledge change as the only constant, it is difficult to accept when the change is unexpected. In the aftermath of each relationship I have lost (both romantic and platonic), I always take the time to consider what went wrong. To be self-aware, we must be able to acknowledge the roles we play and the influence we may have had on people and situations. The trouble there is – I have allowed my awareness of my influence on others to impact my ability to be who I truly am. In full transparency, I can admit where I have allowed the wants, needs, and expectations of others to hold priority over my own wants, needs, and expectations. There have been times where I haven’t shined my brightest, in fear of upsetting others.
The past few days, a popular video of Pastor John Gray preaching a sermon on the “2019 Established Miracle” has been circulating social media. In the sermon, he deems 2018 the year that was designed to show us who people really are. He goes on to say that by revealing the harsh truths of others, God showed us that certain people were only in our lives for their own personal benefit. Reflecting on this sermon allowed me to recognize that all the people I lost, were the same people I felt I had to diminish myself in order to please. I have always considered my ability and desire to put the needs of others before my own as a strong characteristic of a good friend. I constantly found myself questioning how others could discard a relationship with a person like me, never considering I shouldn’t want someone like that in my life anyway. By disparaging my authentic personality, desires, dreams, and goals – I was essentially living a lie. Ironically, the moment I decided I was tired of being what people were comfortable with, the people around me started dropping like flies. The moment that I began living in my truth and positive things started happening all around me, I didn’t fix the box that I had been put in.
At some point in our lives, every woman has been told that she’s, “too much.” Too loud, too quiet, too aggressive, too dramatic, too boring – too much of something. It wasn’t until this year that I accepted that I will always be too much of something for the wrong people, but there will be others that think I’m amazing! We must be intentional about being ourselves 100% of the time because it isn’t until then that we will meet the people meant to be in our lives. While I lost some friendships/relationships this year, I gained quite a few new connections! The energy, confidence, and positivity that I am exuding, is now the energy that is returning to me in the new people I meet. Trust me people – not everyone you lose is a loss. There are some people that had to fall off the wagon in order for you to meet your next destination, so keep shining!