Down in the DM

With the popularity increase in both social media and dating apps, it has made it all that much easier for people to “slide into the DMs.” How many of us have had it go down in the DMs? Exploring the profile of someone you find attractive and shooting them a direct message is super convenient. There is very little pressure in sending someone a message because it eliminates the possibility of face-to-face rejection. With new Instagram updates, in the event you were rejected, there is now the option to go back and unsend your message. BOOM! It’s like it never even happened. Some people have turned the concept of “shooting their shot” into a sport – messaging as many women/men as they find attractive.

The tricky thing about giving your number out to someone in your DMs is that one of two bad things can happen: a) their intentions aren’t to get to know you or b) their conversation isn’t the same. For whatever reason, many people believe that sending a DM eludes that the sender is looking for something other than conversation. However, if you are anything like me – direct messages are a multipurpose space. As a blogger/brand owner, I have used my direct messages to set up meetings, appointments, to network with new people, and to grow the engagement with the followers on my profile. Unless a message is sent to me with a flirty or negative connotation, I never assume that someone desires something from me other than conversation. If a conversation goes so well that I decide to exchange phone numbers with a person, it’s a given that the goal is to have more in-depth conversations, facetime and talk on the phone (all lead up to an in-person hang out). One of the worse things that can happen is that you give your number out and find out his/her conversation is dry. I’m talking Popeye’s biscuit with no juice, DRY. All the conversations are surface level and you have zero things in common. Now, you’re annoyed because you gave your precious phone number out to a weirdo. I know the story all too well.

Not long ago, I fell victim to someone sliding in my DMs. We both had expressed interest in each other through mutual friends and had seen each out in public a few times. However, the timing just never seemed to be right. We took turns going on picture liking sprees on Instagram. One day, he finally reached out to me via direct message and I was PRESSED. We had basically been online stalking each other for a year, it was about time! We had some polite conversation and he seemed interesting – I figured I’d give him the opportunity to get to know me. After exchanging numbers, we engaged in conversation via text for about two weeks before he asked me to hang out. To keep things light, I figured we would go to a quick happy hour. Busy place + food/drinks = Less pressure. I showed up praying the energy was the same because our text messaging conversations had been great, we had talked about so many things, and he had made it clear that he was persistent about getting to know me. Unfortunately, I was sadly disappointed. He didn’t have much to talk about, his answers were short, the energy was off, and he seemed unaffected by my humor (Btw, I think I’m pretty funny).  After 45 minutes of nothingness, I left the restaurant – to think I wasted a good outfit on that! I kept trying to figure out what it was that made him so different from who I had been talking to before. I realized that the convenience of DMs and text messages has replaced the need to have conversations over the phone or in person, hindering our social skills.

Do you believe texting and sending DMs has any effect on millennial dating culture?


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