I’m sure you’re probably wondering what tea I’ll be spilling this week – sit back and prepare yourself honey. Have you ever felt like you had so many “Domino Effect” problems? One problem leads to another and that one leads to another. Welp, that has been my life for the past month. Awhile back, I decided to make the transition to New Jersey. I had told my close friends and family about it and started developing my plan. Everyone around me advised me not to be too analytical – “don’t put too much pressure on yourself and everything will fall into place.” I started to tell myself I had so much time to work things out and began slow walking my next steps. I didn’t realize relocating would take such a toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Let me start by telling you about the job search! Though I am certified to be a teacher and first level administrator in Maryland, I am required to take New Jersey state exams in order to be certified there. In effort to ensure I’d get a job for next school year, I registered and paid $275 for the exam. For a few weeks, I cried and worried… worried and cried. Exam day came around… I passed all the parts except for ONE! While I was grateful that I had passed most of the test, I was no closer to getting a job – as you have to pass ALL parts to apply for certification. Then suddenly, things started looking up! I had made the decision to apply for charter schools, as many of them will hire applicants still in the process of working toward their certification. The downfall was that they will pay you less than you’re worth. I applied anyway and got quite a few offers for interviews.
But like clockwork.. ANOTHER DOMINO FELL. My car! I’m not sure what the problem is, but every week I can now anticipate at least one break down. The countless trips up and down the highway are taking a toll on my blue bombshell. But what can I do? I don’t have the extra money to pour into a car as I am saving to fund this move. Additionally, I can’t justify putting large sums of money into a car as old as mine. I decided I’d hold off and not put anything else into the car unless absolutely necessary.
On the other side of things, my apartment lease ended on April 30th. However, I still need to stay and fulfill the rest of my teaching contract to work until the last day of the school year. Anticipating this being an issue, a few months ago I worked out an agreement to stay with my best friend for the last 6 weeks of the school year. She was moving to a new place and it seemed beneficial to both of us. On April 27th, the plan fell through. ANOTHER DOMINO. I had already scheduled to have my family help me move the next day and had to be completely out in just four days! I had nowhere to live, nowhere else to go. I had already cried so many tears that all I could do was laugh. I felt like I was on an episode of Punk’d – I was waiting for someone to hop out the bushes any minute. I slept in my empty apartment on an air mattress until the very last day I had to turn in my keys.
In all this time, I had been trying to keep up on my assignments to finish grad school, work on building my social media following, and plan this Battle of the Sexes Brunch. As you could probably imagine, each of those things fell to the back burner. It has been by the skin of my teeth that I was able to find somewhere temporary to live and fulfill the rest of my graduation requirements. I had been and currently still feel so helpless. Nothing I try seems to work, the work I put in feels like it’s for nothing – I feel like I’m just here. The only thing I can tell myself is, “Keep moving”, because the reality is that’s the only choice I have. This last month has tested me and pushed me in ways you can’t imagine. I do not share this information for sympathy, but more because I keep thinking to myself, “this is what it feels like to be young.” To be 25 and have no idea where life is taking you, how you’ll get there, or what you’ll do when you reach the destination is so hard. To all my readers, thank you for following my journey and I pray that each post gives you the reassurance you need to recognize that it isn’t just you who is struggling. With perseverance and grit, we’ll push through – there is no other option.