Since the start of my blog, I have been sharing life experiences and lessons I’ve learned from them. This week, I wanted to share an experience that occurred just a few days ago. As mentioned in my vlogs previously, I’ve wanted to do short Instagram segments as promotion for my Battle of the Sexes Brunch. Each segment is designed as a quick conversation with different men discussing a “Question of the Day.” I’ve finally been able to start doing the segments and have been trying to gather footage. Earlier this week, I sat down with a friend of mine to record a segment called, “Dating People with Children.” I chose this friend of mine because he is currently a minster and I felt he would bring a perspective that would create great content.
I began by sharing my viewpoint about the subject and asked him to chime in. He went on to say that it is his preference not to date a woman with children. Though he has previously dated women with children, he never took them seriously. He believes that women should always be with the father of their children. I began to ask probing questions about common instances where people choose to co-parent instead of be in a relationship. I asked if he believed a woman should stay be with her child’s father even in the instance of rape or domestic abuse. He answered, “I believe that rape is the only situation in which it makes sense that a woman wouldn’t be with her child’s father. If domestic violence is involved, I believe they can work it out because at one point they were happy.” My eyes widened, I took a deep breath. I repeated back to him what I received him saying, “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, if a woman comes to you expressing fear of her child’s father, finally mustering up the courage to get away for the safety of herself and her child, your advice would be to go back?!” He repeated his previous answer verbatim. Additionally, he shared that his religious beliefs led him to think and believe this way. At this point, I..LOST..IT!
I was angry! Not because he has his own beliefs, but angry because I couldn’t believe I had heard such chauvinistic and sexist poison pouring from his lips. And to think he was using THE BIBLE as a reference to support his thinking! Nowhere in the bible does it allude to domestic violence and abuse of women as something to be brushed over. In fact, several bible stories mention that God often acts on behalf of the abused and leaves those who have sinned with consequence.
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty. (NIV Proverbs 27:12)
I was hurt that someone who I thought was my friend – a person who has supported me in growing my self-love platform, watched me join the feminism movement, and stand up for all things women was now telling me that I don’t have the right to choose safety. It worries me for the people he ministers to because you never know the pain of the members in your congregation. He has demonstrated that he believes in the continuation of old-time religious traditions that have been used to preserve an abusive culture. Essentially, he is alluding that victims must offer up their suffering rather than altering the circumstances that cause it. Needless to say, I will not be posting that content conversation considering how poor it was. Drop a comment or leave feedback on your opinion of this experience!