In recent news, Jayda Cheaves (who shares a son with rapper, Lil Baby) was all over the blogs for some comments she made about having children in the relationships. Jayda was on Instagram Live answering questions from her followers. One of the followers asked whether she wants to have more children. Jayda initially responded by saying, “If you are in a relationship right now, and you don’t have kids – don’t have any.” She followed up by saying, “Don’t have a baby, have fun. I love my baby, don’t get me wrong, but they ruin relationships to me. I feel like babies ruin relationships.” So many people across social media began to criticize her with the assumption that she meant her son was a mistake.
After reading all the comments and blogs, I began to compare Jayda’s situation to my own and those of a few friends who are also unwed mothers. To be honest, I found no issue in what she said. Though she may have worded her full statement harshly, I agree with her. While I’ve only been a mom for 6 weeks, my son has truly had an impact on my relationship already.
The two largest ways I have found having a baby has impacted my relationship are:
- Rediscovering Your Spouse. As I mentioned in my previous blog (Postpartum), the woman I am now is not the woman I used to be. Emotionally, mentally, and physically I have changed and naturally that has implications on my relationship. While I am still the person my boyfriend fell in love with, I’m in a different phase of life and the kicker is – so is he! My boyfriend is now adjusting to being a father of two and taking care of a family. The priorities and lifestyle we had before I got pregnant have changed and now we need to get to know each other’s needs and wants all over again, while finding out a family system that works for us.
- Another Person to Think About. You can no longer pick up and go as you please, stay out as long as you’d like or spend money the way you used to. While my son hasn’t come home from the hospital yet, my day is now centered around him and what he needs. Each day I base my errands and time around meetings with doctors and spending quality time with my son, which leaves less time to do the things I used to do. I find that I’m tired more often, have less desire to cook or clean, and I’m often feeling overwhelmed. This does impact my mood, my patience, and crankiness with my spouse.
Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility and often times you don’t know if the person you’re with is ready for it. I honestly believe that Jayda was suggesting that you shouldn’t have baby until marriage and you should just have fun while you’re young and dating. What do you think? Let me know! Comment, DM, or email – you know I love your thoughts!