Disconnected

I’m BACKKKKKKKK! It has been about a month since I’ve posted and I’m so excited to share. In the past month, I’ve worked really hard on getting acclimated in New Jersey, starting up a new side hustle (Eminent Lady Lashes), preparing for my Battle of the Sexes Brunch, and planning for my future. The busyness of my life had caught up to me and I made the decision to take several mini-social media breaks.

This past Sunday was my Eminent Lady Battle of the Sexes Brunch, which I hosted in Philadelphia at Our House Culture Center. This was my first time hosting a Battle of the Sexes event and I was really nervous considering my target audience is millennial women - I worried that the men would feel uncomfortable. Leading up to the day of the event, I felt a level of stress and anxiety I had never felt. In typical event planning fashion, things had gone wrong left and right. The biggest struggle was losing my caterer and having to find a new one within 4 days of the event! On the actual day of the event, I received texts from various people saying they could no longer attend, my printer was out of ink so I couldn’t print my notecards, I was 30 minutes late to my own event due to a wardrobe malfunction, and cried in the bathroom for a solid 10 minutes. When the event finally began rolling, it went great! The balance of men and women made everything hilarious. Everyone in the room participated in each game (Hot Girls blew the City Boys out 5-3 lol). The best part was the discussion hour and hearing the perspectives of the amazing men and women in the room. Another Eminent Lady event added to my entertainment resume!

What a HUGEaccomplishment to celebrate right?! Unfortunately, I didn’t feel that way at all throughout the event. I put on my best smile for my guests because I truly wanted my event to be successful. During discussion hour, something I realized and was able to share was the disconnect I feel to people, things, and experiences. In the past few months, I have lacked the ability to be genuinely affected or feel deep feelings about anything. People who know me often call me “dramatic” or say that I exaggerate too much, so it’s often easier to give a smile when I know others are watching rather than express what’s happening inside. Lacking the ability to feel excitement or happiness about things you normally would is scary. In the past few days, I’ve been reflecting and wondering if this is what depression feels like or if I’m just experiencing growing pains. With the advice of my homegirl Kyla, I am looking to pursue therapy. As afraid as I am, I am more afraid of never feeling like myself again. As always, I will continue to share this journey with you - thank you for supporting me at all phases! Please be sure to stay tuned for footage of the event dropping next Friday!